


My LBF (Lich Best Friend)

by Calcu22



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angus is going to get adopted by everyone, Barry just want Taako to be happy, Multi, Usual Barry death, but this is only about Kravitz Barry and Taako, glamour springs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-04-28 11:59:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14448828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calcu22/pseuds/Calcu22
Summary: Barry is trying to find his wife, Taako is trying to keep Barry from dies as often, Kravitz is trying to find a lich, and Angus is trying to solve the Glamour Springs case.





	1. Chapter 1

Barry wasn’t sure why the coin wanted him to visit this chief, but he will say the food was to die for.

The elf made the art of cooking into a show. Transmuting salt into sugar, and berries that he didn’t even know that name of into flowers. It was the mark of a skilled wizard, but Barry didn’t think even that was the reason why the coin asked him to attend a “sizzle it up with Taako” show. Since he arrived in Glamor spring, the gold coin has been silent.

So Barry figured that having some of the third clove chicken was good enough. There was a big crowd waiting for the chicken, and Barry counted himself luck that he got a plate at all. There was a few people on the outsikes that didn’t. A few parents with their children who probably didn’t want the chicken.

It reminded him of home when he took the first bit. Something that he didn’t even know he was missing. Barry almost felt like crying, but that was just silly.

Then he did start crying because of the pain that ripped through him.

* * *

 

Angus didn’t want to be there. He just wanted to be back at the inn reading, but his mom and cousin wanted to check out the small town before heading back. Then they wanted to get food from the traveling caravans, and while Angus thought the elf was fun to watch, he didn’t like garlic. At all. 

So Angus crossed his arms and sat at their little picnic blanket as his mom got some.

“But I thought you liked the Elf.” Alene tried again.

Just because she already had a internship with grandpa, Alene thought that she was an adult. But Angus knew that they were only 7 years apart and that she was just as much as a kid as he was. 

Only taller. 

And able to do magic with her lyer.

“That doesn’t mean I want to eat the chicken. And why would he even put 30 pieces of garlic in the chicken? That is a lot even for someone who  _ liked  _ it.” Angus tried explained, but his cousin just laughed.

“That’s because you still got baby taste buds along with your baby teeth.” Alene said as she ruffled his hair, and Angus tried moving out of the way.

Angus was still trying to watch the show, but because of his cousin, he moved slightly and his eye caught the movement of something else. By the back of the caravan, where the plates were, there was a man that was doing... something. Angus couldn’t see on count of it being too dark and far away, but there was something fishy going on.

“Alene? What is that man doing?”

“Hm?” 

Angus’ cousin leaned over to see what Angus was looking at, leaning on top of him and pushing him into the blanket.

“Oh him? That’s Taako’s helper. See? He’s just setting up the food.”

Angus frowned as he continued to watch the man. It was clean to see that he was doing something with the food but...

“ ‘Gusy, not everything is a case.” Alene playful said before falling on top of him.

“Oh no. I suddenly can’t move.” She deadpan and Angus tried to get out.

“Aleeeene!”

Angus was red in his face from laughing so hard by the time his mom came back. 

“The nice chief wiped you up a grilled cheese when he overheard me talking about you not liking garlic. So if you don’t eat it all make sure to save it.”

Alene finally got off and Angus happily took the grilled cheese sandwich. It looked  _ perfect _ . Golden grown with no burnt bits. The cheese was malted all the way. Everything a grilled cheese should be in a ideal situation.

So of course it was after he took the first bit that everything went to hell.

* * *

 

Taako didn’t know what happened.

He was just performing like any other night, and people started coughing up blood and passing out. It was potin. Taako may be an idiot, but he knew that much. What he didn’t understand was why that was happening after eating his food. Taako knew were all the inderdeance came from, and what he didn’t he transmuted so unless he messed that up...

Which was possible. Hell, Taako didn’t even know how he was able to transmute stuff since it’s not in his cookbook/spellbook. It just happens. 

_ I need to go. _

Taako thought that before he realized he was already getting ready to go. He closed the food window to the caravan and was already walking out to the front when he saw something red coming out of one of the fallen people. At first, happiness filled Taako’s heart before he realized that was some undead shit right there. That he was going to have a vengeful ghost up his ass and Taako was shaking too badly to get properly grab his wand.

“Taako?” The red ghost said, lightning zapping the ground around them as they griped their head in pain.

Not sure how a ghost could be in pain, but it wasn’t Taako’s problem. There was people screaming and running away, but that would soon change once others start looking into what happened. 

Taako needed to leave.

“Sorry about the show my dude, but I got to go.” Taako said before bolting it.

Sazed was already in the front seat and looked just as bad as Taako felt, with his hands on the rail like he was going to leave. Which, Taako couldn’t even blame him if he did. People were dead and Taako knew that it was his fault.

Without a word his climbed in and ignored Sazed.

Or would have if that red spectral figure wasn’t calling his name again. Not sounding angry but... happy? Yeah, probably not that. Takao never been the best at reading people.

“We can’t go if that thing keeps calling your name!” Sazed yelled franticly and Taako had to grit his teeth to keep from saying anything back.

“Taako wait! What are you... where's Lup?” Taako lended over to see that the ghost was still holding his head and was flickering like a flame in the wind.

“Don’t know any Lup. Now do you mind leaving? And not yelling my name so much?” Taako tried giving a smile but couldn’t.

“You... right. Right. You don’t remember...” Ghost-boy mumbled, looking even worst in Taako’s very professional opinion.

“Hachi Machi. Get in if you are going to keep this up. Taako needs to go!” 

Taako was expecting that to brake the red ghost out of their funk, but instead Ghost-boy floated over through the caravan. Taako could feel the glare Sazed was giving him but...

“At least he stopped yelling. Now are you going to drive?”

With a sharp nod, he lifted the rains up and back down harshly. The horses that they had bolted in freight and off they went out of the city.

* * *

 

Kravitz was just checking his books when that Lich appeared again. The only one of his 7 highest bounty that he has a lead on, and even then it’s not a good one. It was still puzzling how he keeps hiding his form, but Kravitz could question that later. Once this obvious necromancer is in the stockage where he belongs.

Problem was there was also a group of people that weren’t following the natural pull to the astral plane. That happens when lots of them die at the same time. Kravitz could wait and see if they figure it out, but if it takes too long it would put their afterlives at risk. 

**_The lich can wait. The souls wouldn’t have enough time before they are breaking my laws_ ** .

With that, Kravitz decision was made for him. One portal later and he was standing in the middle of a town called Glamour springs. The bodies haven’t been moved yet, and it seems that there was no survivors. 

No, that’s not right. Kravitz could hear a kid crying along the outskirts of the area. A living kid, which... isn’t something Kravitz wants to deal with but from what he could see there was no one else around. Besides the 40 souls that died.

“Hello there... young boy. You should go find someone.” Kravitz said in his work accent.

The boy looked up, taking off his glasses before wiping his eyes.

“Why are you talking with a fake accent sir?”

“It’s for work. I’m here to help the departed, and since that isn’t you, I need you to leave.” Kravitz said bending down in a effort to not scare the kid.

Doesn’t seem like he was too bothered by the skeleton face.

“You must be a reaper. I didn’t think you were real... sorry sir.”

“That’s alright. I just work for the Raven Queen. Now do you have anyone who can get you home?”

“M-My home is in Neverwinter.We were visiting and... and”

“Ah.” Kravitz patting the small boy on the back as he tried not to cry.

“I can take you there once I finish. Do you mind waiting?” Kravitz said far too quickly, but the boy still responded with a shake of his head.

“I don’t mind. T-thank you sir.”

Kravitz would have smiled if he had his flesh on, but instead just nodded at the boy. The souls that were having trouble crossing over just thought they were still alive. A common thought when souls are able to talk to each other. They get that idea that since there is others they can’t be dead. Completely false, but understandable since it’s rare that stories about death ever get it correct.

Once the last soul (not the last but Kravitz figures that is the reason the lich suddenly appeared) passed over, he turned back to the boy who was still where he left him.

“I realized I never asked for your name Mr. Reaper. I’m Angus McDonald.” The boy said, eyes red and puffy as he gave a weak smile.

“I’m Kravitz. Now this might be a little disoriented, but it will get you home in a jiffy.” 

With a wave of his scythe, a purple rift opened to reveal the city of Neverwinter. 

“Is that a dimension gate?”

“In a way.” Kravitz said as he offered Angus a hand.

Lucky he had gloves with his suit, so when the boy grabbed onto it, it wasn’t cold. He walked with Angus all the way to the manor, waiting until a old man that looked similar to Angus opened the hug and hug the boy before leaving.

He had a lich to find after all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako burns a lot of stuff, Angus has a goal, Barry just wants his friends back, and Kravitz really wants to catch that lich.

Having 100+ years of memories suddenly available after a year of nothing is not how Barry wanted to spend his first moment as a lich. Again. Part of the reason he grew a body was to keep those who hunt the undead from finding him, and so he could try finding Lucretia. Finding Lucretia wasn’t that important, but Barry still thought it would be easier to do it as a human instead of a lich.

But Barry failed to take into consideration what remembering everything would be like. He forgot that Taako wouldn’t remember, and didn’t even notice he was traveling with the elf until Taako was complaining about sleep. It was... it was weird seeing how Taako acted without Lup. Without even remembering Lup. It was hard to even think of one twin without the other, and Barry remembers how after things got really serious with Lup she wanted to make sure he knew that Taako would be part of their lives. 

And yet, here was a Taako who didn’t know his amazing sister. 

“...And what’s your plan Ghost-boy? Going to stick it to the Gods and keep following me?”

Barry could see Taako clearly in the dark back of the caravan. The elf was still wearing his clothes from the show, something so basic that even with the jeweled collar, Barry thought he would never see Taako wearing it. 

“You look like shit Taako,” Barry said out of habit, flinching from the sharp look Taako then gave him.

“And you’re dead. So apologies if I don’t take your criticism.”

“That... that’s not what I meant. Shit. I was just... are you okay?”

“Oh yeah. Taako is just peachy right now. Now can you not do anything creepy? I need my beauty sleep.” Taako said before falling onto the mound of blankets push along one corner.

“Ah... Sure? I’ll keep watch.” 

Taako waved his hand in response. That was something he was used to. Taako acting like that when something was wrong but he didn’t want to talk about it. Normally that was when Barry would get Lup but...

Barry floated up and out of the caravan. It was the middle of the night, and from what he could tell it doesn’t seem like she found him yep. Barry should be good for a day or two before he needed to go back to his cave. That isn’t long enough to help Taako but maybe he could find someone the elf trusts? 

Barry for being the first to say that he isn’t a cook, but he didn’t notice anything was wrong with the food until his throat was on fire. Taako didn’t test the food, but Barry knows that he always test the ingredients. And transmutation purifies any bacteria on the food. Over the 100 years, the only time Barry got sick from Taako’s food was when he eat some ice cream. Lup might have mentioned that seems like he was going to die, he didn’t that cycle.

Even now that Taako doesn’t remember all that, Barry just can’t believe Taako’s food could do that. It just had to be sabotage. Taako always pissed people off, and Barry has a feeling forgetting Lup might have made that worst. Problem is Barry doesn’t know who.

Barry crossed his legs as if he could sit on top of the roof, and keep thinking. It was keeping him grounded, and slowly Barry was able to go through all his lost memories. It wasn’t as bad as the first time. Didn’t take as long either which was interesting but not too useful right now.

The rest of the night was silent except for when that other person with Taako got up. Barry watched as that man got a pack together and started untying the horse from the lead.

“What are you doing?” Barry asked, momentarily forgetting he was a lich.

“Shit!” The guy dropped his bag and pulled out a rapier from his side.

“Sorry, didn’t... didn’t mean to spook you.”

“If you’re going to kill someone, might as well do in that damn elf.” The sword shock in his hand. 

“I... what? No. I’m not... I’m not here to kill Taako or anyone!”

“Then can you let me leave? I don’t want to stick around long enough for that elf to kill me too.” The man said, angrily picking his bag back up.

It sounded like he took all the gold they made during that show.

“Taako didn’t cause that.”

“What? Of course, he did. That idiot probably didn’t even realize what happened.”

That shocked Barry. There was a lot of things he heard people call Taako, but idiot usually wasn’t one of them. Transmutation is one of the harder magics to learn because of all the equations need to keep the transformations straight. For Taako it was second nature, which explained how he was able to perform this even though he shouldn't have the spell slots.

The man got on the horse and hit the poor thing to make it go into a full gallop. Barry could have gone after him, but he hardly thinks Taako needs someone like that around. So instead, Barry floated back to his place to keep watch. He’ll see if he can get Taako to talk once he wakes. If they keep moving, Barry might be able to stick around for a week.

He stayed there long after the sun was up, and Taako came out already with a pack on his back.

“Oh, so you’re still here Aghostus?” Taako asked with a vacant expression.

“Um, it’s Barry, not..., not Agust... oh. You were making a joke.”

“Yep. Glad you got that.” Taako said before pulling out his wand.

“Ah, Taako?” Barry floated down and as soon as he was off the caravan, Taako shot off a firebolt.

“Oh shit! Did... did you mean to do that?”

“Yes. I’m not so shitty that I can’t do a simple cantrip, my man. Gotta cover my tracks. Taako is going rogue.” 

“Sorry that was... sorry,” Barry said as he followed Taako away from the now burning caravan.

It was weird how quite Taako was as they walked. He didn’t even think he was this bad the day after they left their homeworld with the hunger attacking it. 

Then again, Taako had Lup.

* * *

 

The funeral was a week later.

A week after Angus from dropped off by an actual reaper, who opened a dimensional gate (Angus had to look that spell up), just to drop him off at the McDonald Manor.

And how the only McDonalds living there was Angus and his Grandpa.

There have been a few journalists who came to the funeral to ask Angus some questions, but he knew better than to tell them anything. It was pretty obvious what happened was more than just a failed spell. Angus overhead a healer tell Grandpa that it was poison, but they couldn’t figure out what type. 

What Angus couldn’t stop thinking about was that helper. The food was already out. Why was he there if not to put poison in the dishes?

Alene told him not to worry, but clearly, that is no longer true. Angus doesn’t even know what the motive is or where that helper went. Or even the chief Taako. Farun is a big place, but not so big that a McDonald detective couldn’t find them.

Which is how Angus started getting ready for his first case as his Grandpa’s new apprentice.

* * *

 

Taako had no flipping idea why the ghost was following him but, it turned out to be something of a good thing. ‘Barry’, which Taako thinks is a very lame name for some ghostfellow, stayed quiet for the first few days, until Taako started shopping and pointed out he might want to save some money. And, yeah that was a great idea even if past Taako didn’t think so at the time.

It was just plain weird traveling with someone who didn’t yell or get piss whenever he did something wrong. And what had it even weirder is that it felt familiar somehow. Which is impossible since as long as Taako remember he traveled by himself until meeting Sazed. 

Which lead to Taako trying to get the Ghost rider to leave him alone. 

“Don’t you have anything better to do than watch my ass? Even if it is an amazing ass.”

“Ha, sorry Taako, but that is only the second best ass I’ve ever seen.”

“Wha- nope. I think dying messed up your brain cells. That is im-poss-ible.” 

Barry just did his weird ghostly shrug, and Taako was willing to bet that he was smiling but couldn’t see with his stupid skull face.

“But you are right that I have something to do... not better than making sure you’re okay, but-”

“Why do you care if I’m okay? I killed you in case you forgot.” Taako said and to his ever annoyance Barry just shrugged again.

“It happens. And I told you I don’t think it was completely your fault.”

They were almost to the next major city. Taako wasn’t keeping track of where they were going, and it seemed that Barry wasn’t too good at reading the maps either. The ghost was good at finding stuff on the map, but not at figuring out where they were in real life. Which lead to the two wandering the woods more often than not. At least Ghost-boy had some dope ass magic and Taako was more than willing to let him be the main attacker then wild animals showed up.

“Yeah well,” Taako really wasn’t sure what to do.

If he wanted money, Taako could have been stolen from by now. If he wanted fame, well, he knows that’s out the window and burned with a fire spell. Doesn’t seem Ghost boy was interested in his body either, so Takao and no idea why he was still sticking around.

Even his insults weren’t working.

“Taako doesn’t really have a plan from here on out. If you have any ideas Barry Phantom...” That got him a chuckle.

“Well, I should really get back to my cave. Um, I think I have some food there if you want. It’s probably... not what you're used to but... better than that um, tavern shit.”

“You were living in a fucking cave before you died? Whoa, no wonder you were so chill about dying. It’s completed your whole spooky aesthetic.” Taako said instead of giving an answer.

Sure he didn’t have anything better to do, but Taako wasn’t about to chill in a cave until his whole Glamor Spring situation blows over. Yeah, this must somehow just be a long con. 

“It’s by a small town; probably small enough that you could get some easy jobs without anyone... recognizing you. Maybe you could, save up some money to get a lawyer to prove your innocence?” 

Or maybe this ghost was even dumber than Taako.

“I doubt that will happen, but hey, what do I have to lose.” Taako meant to say that as a joke, but it came off with a hard bite then he wanted.

Barry looked at him with his skull face, but Taako could tell from how his weird red-ish robe hood was drooping that he was sad. He was fucking pitying him and that was just icing on the cake.

“No. Stop that. I’m not staying in you man cave nor do I even need a place to stay, comprada?”

“That- that’s not even a real word Taako but... Sorry. I wasn’t... I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. I just,” Barry took a deep breath even though Taako was pretty sure he didn’t need to breathe. “Forgot that we are only strangers.”

Taako raised once of his perfectly manicured brows at that.

“Is that why you’re following me? Are you lonely? I mean, I may get that just a little bit but I’m also not really good at that. You would be way better off trying to make friend with literally anyone else. Sure I’m fucking amazing but not... you know.” Taako trailed off before he said anything else.

It’s starting to get dangerously close to talking about feeling and Taako can’t.

“I disagree with that but, you... uh, seem like someone who takes a while to open up? I... yeah I’m not sure why I’ve been staying with you. I guess I have just been lonely.” Barry said and now he looked even sadder.

Fuck it.

“As long as you keep thing how they have been and don’t try to, I don’t know, hug me or anything then I’ll keep you company or whatever,” Taako said and for a long time, Barry was silent.

Then just as the skyline of the next town started popping up over the horizon, Barry spoke again.

“Thanks, Taako. I really miss- I mean enjoy your company. So far. It’s been really nice.”

Taako laughed at that because he had to be lying, but Taako wasn’t really one to talk. He’s done similar things when lonely, though sticking around with your murder has to be up there in the messed up category. But who is he to judge the guys coping. 

Taako wouldn’t stay with him for long enough for it to become a huge problem.

* * *

 

Kravitz finally had a location. Only took about a month, but he got the location of the lich who died 43 times. It was one of Kravitz highest boundaries, and boy was he excited to put this one behind bars.

The one known in the books as ‘Barry Bluejean’, which had to be a fake or stage name, was in the woods traveling with some elf. Normally Kravitz would also see if the individual was in his book, but he didn’t want to waste the time. 

The lich was the main focus here and Kravitz wasn’t going to let him get away again.

With very little thought, he faded into the tree next to him, letting his soul take over and bend the wood to his will. His new form was big and dangly, but he was still able to cut the two off.

“Barry Bluejeans.” Kravitz said in his work accent, taken a moment to look over their ‘wtf’ faces.

He felt bad for the attractive elf, but work was first.

“You are done a great crime against my lady by becoming a lich. Surrender your soul to me so I can lock you away into the enteral stockade.”

“Woo, slow down there Ent cosplayer, there are no liches here.” The attractive elf said, and even the lich looked at him.

“Taako...”

“Are you daft?”

“Sorry, no liches here. So why don’t you get on back to photosynthesizing or whatever you do.” The elf said, and then Kravitz felt a charm spell pass over him. 

Kravitz was easily able to break it, but at least now he knows that the elf is aware he is harboring a criminal.

“Well, if you want to do it like that...” Kravitz swung down at the two, the lich flying over the tree limb and the elf somersaulting away with a ‘holy shit!’.

The lich then shot a fireball out from his hand, and it hit Kravitz right in the trunk. Right away Kravitz could tell it was cast at a much higher lv than 3, also catching the nearby trees aflame. Kravitz got the flames to stop spreading on his tree body, but with that one attack, his was already down half his hp.

“Why don’t you suck on this!” The attractive elf said as he cast firebolt at him.

“Seriously?! Can you quit it with the fire?”

“Uh, you did think it was a good idea to come after me in a body made of wood. That’s... I mean, we are both wizards so...” the lich started to say, and Kravitz didn’t need the reminder that this fight was already going poorly for him.

Not to mention usually at this point the lich would run away. Kravitz wasn’t sure why he not now, but Kravitz was going to take what he can at this point. With his limb pointed at the lich, and vines shot out and wrapped around him, pulling the lich back to the ground. Then with his second attack, Kravitz just slammed his limb right on top of Barry. 

“Shit!” The attractive elf said, and Kravitz did feel a little bad, but he was hanging out with a lich! Who even does that?

Kravitz watched as the lich struggled against the vines, flickering in and out for just a moment. Kravitz does have to say that this lich is by far the most in control that he has ever run across, but it was clear that it has been getting worse for him. Whatever anchor the lich was using was failing him, which will just make Kravitz job easier even if by some chance he escapes this time. 

Of course, that was when Kravitz was hit by yet another firebolt.

It hardly did any damage, but Kravitz wouldn’t be able to ignore that for much longer. He only needed to hit the elf once, and he fell unconscious. Not died, but Kravitz will have to talk to him about befriending liches to make sure the elf wasn’t a necromancer.

“Taako!” The lich screamed and then Kravitz felt a wave of necrotic energy coursing through.

Kravitz couldn’t help but scream as his soul from forcefully removed and the tree burst into ash. He had to head back to the astral plane to form a new body. 

If Kravitz had a mouth he would have been cursing up a storm at the lost opportunity to finally bring that lich in.


End file.
